With heavy hearts, we approach boldly.

 

Have you ever noticed that some of the most important decisions in life can be painful?  Choosing to do what is the “right” thing or what we feel God wants us to do, can often be costly to us in many ways.  Our family is praying and working through one of those decisions, coming to a climax today in Uganda. 

As most of you know, Jamil has been living with us, in the USA, since late August of last year.  We have known Jamil since the spring of 2012.  I have written several blogs about Jamil, his medical problems, the reasons that we felt called to go through the ORDEAL of getting him to the USA.  Please glance back at those and understand the baseline of miraculousness (my computer tells me that this is not a word, but I’m going with it) that brings us to today.  As I blogged about his eye tumor extending into his brain back in September, I was not sure that today’s difficult decision would ever be an option.

 

Jamil has a congenital condition known as neurofibromatosis type II (NF2).  Doctors, smarter than me, have made this diagnosis since we have been in the USA.  The NF2 makes him at risk for tumors associated with his Central Nervous System.  It is the reason for the big meningioma behind his R eye.  NF2 is also the reason that he has tumors on both of his acoustic nerves (hearing nerves going to the ears).  These acoustic neuromas could cause trouble with hearing or balance if not watched carefully in the future.

 

When Jamil reached the soil in the USA, we made a mad dash to start his medical care.  We had 6 months to get him accurately diagnosed, treated (which we thought would be a surgery to remove a tumor in the eye socket), and then recovered so that we could get him back to Uganda before the 2015 school year started and before his visitor visa expired.  Quickly after starting this dash, we realized it was going to be an endurance race.  We were advised to start the legal process of getting Jamil permanent residency (a juvenile green card) so that he could stay with us for up to 10 years to receive medical treatment.  As we got the diagnosis of brain tumor, the 10 years seemed like it would be much more than we needed.  The process of getting the green card is long and expensive.  Jamil went for his final interview for this card on Wednesday of last week, as we prepared to leave on Friday.  We don’t know the results of this interview yet.  Jamil had received some travel documents that “should” allow him to travel to Uganda and then return to the USA while awaiting the ruling on the green card. 

 

Our wise doctors at the NF2 clinic at OU Children’s Hospital, advised us to watch the brain tumor for 3 months, to monitor what it was going to do.  Jamil had already received radiation and the tumor was not in a place that made it safely accessible to surgery, so watchful waiting seemed like the best plan.  In December, his MRIs showed that none of the 3 tumors listed above had changed.  Jamil was healthy, growing, and did not seem “ill” at all.  So we decided to wait again for 3 months and recheck.  In late April, his tumors were still found to be unchanged.  So here is a summary of the medical information:

-          He has 2 acoustic neuromas and one meningioma that is in his brain.

-          These tumors have been stable and without growth for 9 months.

-          He has NF2, which puts him at increased risk for future additional tumors.

-          He has received radiation while being treated in Uganda.  This does not completely preclude him from receiving radiation again, but his doctors will want to delay any radiation for as long as possible.

-          Uganda has recently gotten MRI technology, which they did not have prior to last summer.

-          We have found a hospital that was started by a neurosurgeon from the west that has agreed to follow Jamil, if he returned to Uganda.

-          Medical care for Jamil would, without debate, be better in the USA.  The degree to which the options are better in the USA is unsure.

-          We are unsure how difficult it would be to bring Jamil back to the USA at a later date if he starts back to school in Uganda.

 

Jamil is truly a joy.  He is really a good kid.  He’s funny, easy going, and sensitive.  He can get “blue” about some things, including missing his family and certain things about Uganda.  When we went to OU last month, his doctor asked him what he misses most about Uganda.  Jamil said, “My family.”  She then asked him what he would miss most about the USA, if he moved back to Uganda.  Jamil said, “My family”.  He has progressed well in his math studies and we feel that he has progressed in English too.  It is difficult to teach him some things because we have to filter the teaching through English, which he is still learning.  So he is 13 ½  years old, schooling on about a 4^th grade level and emotionally around 10-11 in my opinion.  The reasons for this strange combination is likely a result of his delay in starting school and his chronic illness.  Jamil has loved his many adventures in the USA.  Football games,

 

birthday parties (especially his), Christmas, snow skiing,

 

 fishing, swimming,

 

gardening and taking care of the animals on the ranch have been some of his favorites.  He has gotten to experience an extended loving family and a deep pool of loving friends, that have probably seemed more foreign to him than snow, smooth roads and air conditioning.  Jamil has definitely become a son to Jill and I, a brother to our kids, a grandson to a few, a cousin/nephew to several and a friend to many over the past year. 

 

Here is the situation that we find ourselves in.  Jill and I felt called to bring Jamil to the USA to get medical treatment (we thought this was a surgery) and then to return him back to school in Uganda.  We find ourselves at a point where he has reached his medical improvement, even though surgery was not necessary and we feel that God is leading us to get him back into school in his culture, in Uganda.  We have wrestled with this decision.  It will be tough on our family, his extended family and all that have grown to love him.  It will be tough on Jamil.  Materially, his situation will endure a drastic change, in the opposite direction that it did in August.  He will be back to limited menu and wardrobe options as he would start back in a boarding school in Uganda. 

 

When we have mentioned this decision with others and asked them to pray with us, we can tell that some of them don’t understand why we would not want to keep Jamil with us.  After we “got him out” of Uganda, why we’d consider taking him back.  The simple answer is that we are not sure either.  Just that we believe that God has a purpose in it.  We believe that Jamil can go further in school in Uganda.  We believe that Jamil has more potential to lead others in Uganda, and we believe that his testimony of healing and grace will have a larger platform in Uganda. 

 

We go today to look at some schools in Uganda with Jamil.  Unless God chooses to change his plan in our hearts and  minds, we plan to start him in one of those schools, when the new term starts in one week.  We will continue to support him as if we were sending another child off to college.  We will still make sure that he gets the needed medical care for his NF2.  But make no doubt about it, our hearts are going to hurt.  Make no doubt about it, his heart is going to hurt.

 

Hebrews 4:16 says: “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

 

We ask that you pray with us for the best decision for Jamil, and for God’s purpose/glory.  We are trying to pray as Jesus did.

 

Hebrews 5:7  During the days of Jesus’ life on Earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission.

Never say Never

I never thought we would homeschool our children.  I never would have imagined we would adopt a child.   I will never say never again.  Jay and I have entered the world of homeschooling.  We began feeling a draw to this form of education, for several reasons, a little over a year ago, but at the same time not completely sure why.  We discussed it several times with Jayne and Jared, and they each seemed noncommittal either way.  Always stating it is our decision.  As a child I had always wanted to be a cheerleader, but didn’t quite have what it took.  As shallow as this may sound, I was having a hard time taking the possibility of a second year of cheerleading away from Jayne.  I had no idea what my next obstacle would be.  TENNIS!!!  I played tennis all through junior high and high school with the exception of my junior year.  Jayne and Jared both played tennis this past spring.   Oh my goodness, did it make me question if we had made the right choice for these two.  (For the first time, I realized, how exciting it is to have your kids be interested and have potential at a sport I played.)  However great tennis is for kids, and it is, it was a temptation to get me off track for what we believed was what we were called to do with their education at this time.   So by Faith, we decided to homeschool this year. 

 

In October of 2013, a sweet young lady, Madison Russ, gave us our first tour, with Jake, at Southwestern Oklahoma State University.  We connected right away with her and the folks from the touring office.  Jay had realized from her bio that she was from Maysville, which is 10 miles east of Lindsay.  When she answered the phone and Jay said to her “Oh you’re the one who secretly likes Pretty Little Liars” she probably thought she had a stalker on her hands.  He apparently had read her entire bio and knew her “something most people don’t know about her.”  During our tour, Madison did some stalking of her own and found the Due Unto Others website.  She and her husband Ryan are feeling the call to adoption.  She was an elementary education major at the time.  In March, there was a kNOw More Orphans Conference in Birmingham, Alabama.  Through God’s Providence: Madison, Jayne, and I were able to go together.   I remember Jay asking me why I felt so strongly about going?  I told him, I really couldn’t give him a good answer except I knew strongly we were to go.  Adoption (in the traditional sense) is not what we do with the medical mission work that we’ve been called to in Uganda. However, I believed strongly that Madison, Jayne, and I were to go.  I didn’t realize until after we had left for Alabama that we would be gone during Cheerleading tryouts.  Once I found this out as well as having an inkling that Jayne has a special place in her heart as I watch her with the orphans and children in Uganda, I knew God’s timing was perfect.  (This trip after scheduled, ended up being   tough, because the next morning my grandfather’s final living sibling was admitted to the hospital.   I spent the next two days before we left with my 99 year old Great Uncle Jodie in the hospital.  I had already planned his 100^th birthday at our Ranch in September.  He was as sharp as a tack mentally, and we had some good time and talks together.   I fully expected to land in OKC on Sunday and go straight back to the hospital, but he went home to be with the Lord Saturday night before we returned.)  God, was gracious and his timing was still perfect.  Our family kept me posted every few hours and the Lord graciously ministered to my aching heart through His Word and the Worship Songs.  If you have never heard 10,000 Reasons, it’s worth a listen.

 

Jake was asked to speak at his high school graduation on giving back.  As he shared with his fellow students, parents, and others there, he shared Jamil’s story.  So as soon as Jake’s graduation was over, we headed off for what we thought would be a 6 week medical mission trip back to Uganda.  It was.  However, Jay and I felt over the previous year back in the US that if Jamil’s tumor was back, we needed to do all we could to bring him to the US for some Western Medical Treatment.  Our heart sank when the Ct Scan, in Uganda, showed the tumor had returned.  So our six week trip turned into eight as Jay and I worked through the legal process of getting Jamil legally set up to travel with us.

 

The definition of a miracle as a noun is a surprising or welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered, to be the work of a divine agency. “The miracle of rising from the grave.”

 

This definition as seen in some of our previous blogs occurred when a twelve year old Ugandan boy was granted a US tourist visa to come to the United States for treatment.  The United States does not have a medical visa from Uganda.

 

Miracle is also defined as a highly improbable or extraordinary event , development or accomplishment that brings very welcome consequences.  As an amazing product or achievement, or an outstanding example of something.

 

This definition is truly the point of this blog as the mom of a young Ugandan teenage boy seeing and experiencing Christmas in a very different culture for the first time, and the weight that responsibility I pick up and carry often.  When we realized Jamil would need to be here for longer than the 6 month visa due to unforeseen health issues, we made a new game plan.  He needs to be followed for his NF2 genetic condition closely.  Of course, as the Lord would have it, the best clinic in the country for NF2 is at OU Children’s Hospital.  We may or may not need to officially adopt Jamil, but as I’ve said before, he has been adopted into our family! With or without a legal document at this time, he is our child.  Never say never! 

 

My theme when Never say never gets tough, and it does: Besides Proverbs 3:5-6 being my life verse, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, an he will make straight your paths.” I was reminded in a sermon Sunday, that I should continue into that chapter past verse 6.  Verse 7-12 “Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn from evil.  It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the firstfruits of your produce; then your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will be bursting with wine.  My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.”  The Lord has also given me the song byHillsong United called “Oceans”.  I will hear it a times I need it the most when things are bitter and when things are sweet.

So many miraculous things, I have witnessed, big and small, as hopefully we have been able to describe to each of you in the blogs since we chose to follow the Lord’s call to Uganda.   But, when you aren’t in control (which none of us truly ever are), this Mom felt a great need to take December to make sure Jamil understood what Christmas is really about.  It is hard to believe Jake became the first child in our family 19 years ago on December 22^nd .  Since that time, I knew I could not teach him what I didn’t know about the Lord. So, I had no more excuses like being to busy working outside of the home to spend individual time with my Lord and Savior.  The time had come for me to make my relationship the priority He deserves and actually calls us each to.  I choose to learn what being a true Christ Follower is truly.  Over the years, we started  Christmas traditions with our children as each came along beginning the first of December. We count down and learn about and celebrate the birth of Jesus. 

 

 

We still had Santa as a tradition as well.  Jay’s Aunt Marsha started many traditions 6 years earlier by always giving us an ornament and Spode Christmas Dishes.  

 

The biggest tradition, that magnified itself this year, was when you joined the family, she made you a personalized needlepoint stocking.  When Silas married Bethany is 2012, Marsha officially retired from needlepoint stocking making.  I had hoped she might come out of retirement, so Jamil would have a needlepoint stocking like ours and everyone else, since 1974, in the original DUE family.   This stocking is the closest thing I could find.

 

My mom had a stocking crocheted for our family members as well.  They are all different personalized Santa stockings made by Ann Hazlebaker.  We love these too! Ann was able to make Jamil one that we received right after Thanksgiving. 

 

However, I still felt strongly that Jamil needed a needlepoint one as well.  One thing I am not is a crafty person. That is my sister in law Jeanne’s department.  But, when I realized Marsha was unable to make the stocking, Tana, Jana, Jeanne, and I began doing some research.  For a couple of weeks, I thought about putting a feeler out on facebook, but for whatever reason I didn’t.  On Tuesday the 2^nd of December we were granted Legal Guardianship of Jamil in the US. (We were granted Legal Guardianship in Uganda this summer.) 

 

By the way, with the addition of Jamil to our family, we now realized why we felt such conviction to homeschool Jared and Jayne.  On December 2nd, I finally decided to post a plea for anyone who could or knew someone who could needlepoint.  Lisa Lawrence has been such a blessing to me and our family as we have been homeschooling Jamil. I will never forget a telephone conversation with her. She said, “I want to be part of his village here.”  I do not have words to express the encouragement she has provided me on this journey of homeschooling since we have so many variables with cultural, language and medical issues. 

 

One might think this is where a small Miracle occurred.  But for me, those of us girls with needlepoint stockings in the Due family, Marsha and anyone who knows anything about needlepoint realizes how big of a Miracle has occurred over the last couple of weeks.  Lisa, answered my plea for needlepointing the stocking.  So, on the third of December, I went to Hobby Lobby to get the canvas and thread we’d need.  Jeanne had gotten a pattern together to follow.   Hobby Lobby had the canvas, but the lady explained to me they did not carry the wool yarn.  She sent me to a cross stitch store in south OKC.  The kind lady there, explained that there was only one store, in the State of Oklahoma, that carried what I needed and it was in Tulsa.  So, off to Tulsa I went.  Jay was working in the ER, and as far as the kids knew I was making a quick trip to Norman. No one knew of my quick decision to head to Tulsa.   So I called Jay’s sister, Jana, so at least one person would know where I was.  When, I arrived at the store the two ladies helped me pick out the yarn as quickly as we could.  However, they let me know there is NO Way this could be accomplished, after looking at the other stockings I had brought with me, before Christmas.  Lisa shared with me that a friend of hers believed it wouldn’t be possible either.  Never Say Never!

 

I made it back to Duncan, just before Lisa was headed to church.  She wasn’t sure if she could get it done before she left for Christmas on the 20^th, but she would try.  I told her I would be praying for her hands.  Never Say Never!  Almost every evening into early morning she worked on the stocking and would send me pictures of her progress.  It was amazing how fast she was able to go.  She made one section the 6 stripes and colors of the Ugandan Flag.  She made the four toy soldiers: Jayne, Jamil, Jared, and Jake.  Never Say Never, she finished the needlepoint Thursday,  This morning Lisa sent me a message, "Give God the Glory!  It had to be His work.  My fingers are so sore I wouldn't be able to hold a needle this morning, but they NEVER felt this way when the stocking needed to be done!"  Please join me to pray her hands will feel better soon...

 

 and Tana sewed it all together Friday. 

 

 

So, today, as soon as I receive Jamil’s stocking, I will move the stockings I grew up with from the mantle back to their original home in the kitchen and hang the Miracle Stocking, along with ours, on the mantle in their normal place as Christmas approaches. 

 

 

This small Miralcle to some, BIG to others and me, is one of the most special things that has made this Christmas Season!  Jamil, on his first Christmas here as a member of our family, has both of our family stockings of his own.  It is exciting being a new mom for the fourth time, but this time seeing things for the first time through a thirteen year old son from Uganda.


 

 

Merry Christmas,

Jill

Now that the stocking has found its home on the mantle, we can continue our Christmas celebration.  We celebrate Christmas because of what began in the manger over 2000 years ago.  Thankfully, it didn't end in the manger, but on the cross where Jesus declared "It is finished."  Then to the empty tomb!  Jamil's stocking is here in time for Christmas with us.  It is finished and hanging, and for now it is as empty as the tomb of Jesus!

 

His Presence in the Detours, the Pains of Life, and the Sweet Moments

I realized Thanksgiving weekend was the third anniversary of my first blog.  And to no surprise and gratefully I might add, Jay has become our resident blogger.  However, I have a couple building up inside me.  Today, I will share one. 

 

Jamil and I were blessed to spend the day together.  It was a day filled with unanticipated painful immunizations. 

 

 

As we left the ranch this morning, we were expecting the TB test to be checked and a physical exam for our immigration status to move forward to the next stage.  However, the nurse let us know she could not do the exam until he had his Hep A, Hep B, Meningococcal, and flu vaccinations.  So, we were given directions to the Cleveland County Health Department.  The nurse told us to come back at 1:30pm and she would work us back in for the exam.  (Dilemma:  North Pole City had been gracious enough to make an appointment at 1:30 today for Jamil to see and meet Santa.  They do this for special situations.)  I told the nurse, but I would change the Santa pictures.  She was so sweet.  She recommended that we go ahead and go to North Pole City and then to come back to the clinic when we were finished.  So, off to the health department we went.  The staff was friendly and we were called back within 15 minutes.  One problem: They were out of the menningococcal vaccine.  So as Jamil was getting his 3 somewhat painful injections, I was on the phone to our pediatrician’s office in Edmond.  Of course, it was his half day and I’m calling at 11:45am.  The sweet triage nurse said she would check with the doctor on call and get back with me at 1pm.  (Did I mention the Santa pictures?)  The nurse at the Health Department said that sometimes a pharmacy will have this vaccine, but I should call to check first.  Yeah, for the Walgreens in Norman on Main! 

 

They had it!  Only downfall, they don’t accept our insurance so I got to pay a pretty penny for this fourth painful shot!!  I called off our pediatrician’s office and off to Wendy’s we went for a hamburger and Frosty! (The smallest Frosty I’ve ever seen.  However, they did give Jamil two!)  He enjoyed both. 

 

We were now on our way to North Pole City to see Santa.  I had called Meredith Crowder to see if we might stop by Newcastle on the way back to the ranch to meet the girls.  I told her we were going to North Pole City at 1:30.  She said they had talked about going there today too.  With all of our unforeseen detours, I hadn’t talked to her again. 

 

The very kind lady who had set our appointment was at Santa’s Spot and said we’d be next.  This sweet Santa takes time with each child or children.  He gets to know them before a single picture is snapped.

 

I was impressed.  As our children have gotten older, we have explained to them about the true Santa Claus, St. Nicholas, when the time came as they matured.  We decided to explain this to Jamil since he is thirteen.  We’ve told him about how in the United States Christmas can be more about Santa (who is known to live at the North Pole and fly around the world in a sleigh with reindeer), than the birth of Jesus.  First, Santa, realizing Jamil was 13 was giving him some wisdom about working hard and saving money for a car because 16 isn’t too far away.  He asked Jamil what he would like for him to bring him for Christmas.  This sweet Santa, after learning Jamil was from Uganda(where a good Christmas was enough families having the finances to pool together to have meat at their Christmas meal) and this was his first Christmas season in the United States, eloquently explained the story of St. Nicholas.  

 

Santa noted that St. Nicholas was a young boy whose parents died from a plague and was adopted by some religious men, monks, in Turkey.  He also pointed out that Turkey is a country not too far from Uganda.  He then explained how the monks owned an inn with stables and worked hard.  Nicholas took over the business and found himself with more wealth than he needed.  He saw others in his village in need.  So, he began giving gifts at Christmas anonymously.  He did not want any credit for this good deed from man.  Santa went on to explain that sometimes, because here in the US there is so much “to do” about Christmas, often its true meaning is lost for many.  Christmas is truly about the birth of Jesus.  Also, the first gifts were special gifts given to Jesus by the wisemen.  Santa asked me about Jamil’s medical condition.  After I gave him a quick version, he asked Jamil if it would be alright with him if we prayed together and he place his hand on Jamil’s head.  Jamil said, “Yes.”  As the prayer ended, I heard Meredith call my name.  So, we got to meet the girls, and get a few more pictures with Santa.  Jamil was able to speak to the Crowder girls in Luganda. 

 

We headed back to the clinic in Norman and finished the exam.  The results of this exam are the next step in our legal process with Jamil.  We can now officially apply for his permanent residency.

 

On the way home, Jamil asked me if I had Santa’s number.  I think he realized he forgot to tell him what he wanted for Christmas.  I told him we could send him a letter.  A little later down the road ,Jamil and I talked about how we are not promised a life without detours and pain.  But, there are some really precious moments in the midst of it as well.  The most important is the Presence of the Lord through it all.  A Glimpse of Things Unseen, is a book worth your time to read, by Mark Buchanan.  I’m not finished with it yet, but the Lord has used it as I have been struggling as I see a young boy switching cultures.  Switching from a culture of contentment, respectfulness, colorblindness, yet intense poverty in Uganda to one of discontentment, materialism, and racial tensions here. This biblical book reminded me God has put in us the reason we are never truly satisfied because this is not our home.  I pray, Lord let me choose to let Your light shine through me as I pass through this temporary place of bitter-sweetness, to my true home. For each of us, there is an opportunity, which was given to us to choose over 2000 years ago, beginning in a manger in Bethlehem.

 

 

Jill

 

Proverbs 3:5-6  "Trust in the Lord, with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  But in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."