My Greatest Fear

I will confess to you my greatest fear over the last 26 years has been that Jay would die before me. Paralyzing fear to think of having to go through the rest of my life without my husband and best friend.  When we were in our second year of marriage, I saw firsthand because my cousin was killed in a car wreck.   The pain beyond words for those of us left behind left an indelible imprint on my mind.  I felt the pain for my aunt and uncle, my cousin’s wife, and his two children.  I am very dependent on Jay.  I’ve been blessed with a husband who treats me like Christ treats the church.  Therefore, he has made it very easy to be a submissive wife. 

I had several God glimpses during our preparation for and over our travel time to Uganda during this trip.  As we left Duncan, we felt the blessing as many friends and family met us at RAW Church for a time of prayer before we departed.  It is never easy leaving friends and family.  This trip was my first as a mom to leave one of my children behind, knowing Jake would be joining us in a couple of weeks, helped this mom’s struggling heart.  Yet, it was still tough to leave him behind.  So, my first glimpse was even though we were leaving one place to go to where we know God called us to, it still isn’t easy to say goodbye. 

 

I can’t begin to express my thoughts the moment I realized Jay had Jake’s passport instead of his at the airport, and I would be leaving him behind too.  My mind had not prepared for this scenario.  I was flooded with emotion.  How do I go without him?  Yet, how do I not?  We adjusted our carryon bags so I would have what I needed as we parted ways in Dallas.  It helped knowing before we left, Jay would be on our exact same journey 24 hours later. God Glimpse #2:  It is not easy to say good bye to the one you love most in this world, even though you know you will see them soon on the other side.  In this case the other side of the world, but in some cases the timing in which we never know it is to the other side of eternity.  The plane journey this time from the United States to Uganda was like the threshold of death’s door.  We will each pass through the door of death to our eternity.  I pray you have your passport to Heaven.  I know if we have Jesus we do not make this journey alone.  Christ is with us.  I did not make this journey alone to Uganda either, even though Jay was not with me.  Our team was the hands and feet of Christ to me as we traveled half way across the world.  They were encouraging, we were in this together, and they were “fluid”.

The third God Glimpse is by far the most impacting for me. As I believe it will be for each of us as we enter eternity.  When I walked through the gate of the airport after arriving in Uganda to see David, Faith, Dr. Martin, and Jonathan waiting for me (us) was incredible!  It was an amazing reunion for me personally.  All of the troubles melted away when I saw them there and received their love and hugs even though I had left friends, family, my son, and the love of my life behind.  Tears are welling up in my eyes as I write these words.  To the point that I can understand, is this not what it will be like when we enter into Heaven?? Being reunited with family we have missed who are already there.  Even better than that, we will be face to face with our Lord and Savior.  This also brings comfort as we know we are in the middle of malaria season and have seen some pretty sick children who need lifesaving blood.  They may not have a choice because the blood is not always available due to a shortage.  Thank God, the blood of Jesus is not in short supply! We only have to choose to accept it personally.  Have you?

My life verse is Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” 

Again, He has shown His Faithfulness during the time we’ve prepared for this trip to Uganda and I feared leaving Jake behind as well unfinished things.  During traveling without Jay, arrival, and been here thus far He continues to make our path straight, no matter how curvy and bumpy the roads are here.  May this Memorial Day remind you of the day you chose by faith to accept the gift of grace and accepted the blood of Christ, and I pray you choose to grow in your walk with Christ by trusting him moment by moment and be in the Word daily.  If you cannot say to yourself you have this memory, may today be your “Memorial Day!” His blood is for you.  No fear is greater than the fear of the Lord!    

Jill