1 Kings 3:23-27 from the New Living Translation states: “All right, bring me a sword.” So a sword was
brought to the king. Then he said, “Cut
the living child in two, and give half to one woman and half to the
other!” Then the woman who was the real
mother of the living child, and who loved him very much, cried out, “Oh no, my
lord! Give her the child-please do not kill him!” But the other woman said, “All right, he will
be neither yours nor mine; divide him between us!” Then the king said, “Do not kill the child,
but give him to the woman who wants him to live, for she is his mother!”
As we began to realize that the Lord was leading us to bring
Jamil back to Uganda, He reminded me of this scripture. I know what it feels like to be divided. Divided between two very different
cultures. Not physically of course, but
emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
This is a very tough as an adult.
It is even harder to see it in your child. Yet, Jamil is alive, healthy! We have been homeschooling him in math,
reading, and English, studying science and social studies as it came up in our
reading. I came to realize the division
of this sweet child beginning as we worked on these subjects and lived life
with him in the US.
I will never forget the day in August when we found out that
the MRI showed the tumor was in his brain.
At that point, we had yet to see Dr. McNall at OU Children’s
Hospital. To our knowledge at the time,
we believed the tumor had grown from the CT scan in June he had in Uganda. We assumed from the knowledge we had at this
point that our call was to walk along
side this sweet child as he beat us all to Heaven. I knew I could not give this news to Jake
over the phone. So a sweet friend went
with me to Weatherford that late afternoon so I could tell Jake in person.
Thankfully, this was not what would be our reality. I’m reminded of the first time we took Jamil
to the doctor in Uganda in 2012. As we
left the office and were stuck in traffic, a street evangelist who was sharing
the Gospel in Lugandan caught sight of Jamil and his extruding eye. He stopped, looked at Jay, and said, “This
boy is going to be healed.”
God is
teaching me I must trust Him more deeply.
To remember He is the Alpha and the Omega. He knows way more than I do. I am to walk by faith not by sight.
God continued revealing Jamil should be in Uganda in several
ways. We sought council from strong
Christ Followers who listened carefully and the Lord used them to confirm His
leading in our hearts. For Christmas, one gift Jamil received was a
butterfly kit. When the weather became warm
enough, we ordered the caterpillars.
This gift became a visual reminder of one of the verses he has
memorized. 1 Corinthians 5:17-“Therfore,
if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has
come.” We talked about our hearts are
like the caterpillar before we come to realize we need a Savior. When we realize the only way to have eternal
life is by accepting Christ, He transforms our heart….the old has gone and the
new has come. The result of the change
(like in the cocoon, yet in an instant not days) is a new creation….the
butterfly. The butterfly can never go
back to being a caterpillar. The reason
we choose to do good is because of what Jesus has already done for us on the
cross because of grace that we each must choose to accept personally. As we choose to live by his Holy Spirit daily,
the new that is sealed in our hearts (the butterfly) it points others to Jesus,
gives God Glory, and builds our treasure in heaven where thieves and moths
cannot destroy. The butterflies had been
out for about 5 days. One Sunday evening:
Jared, Jayne, and Jamil came and asked me if they could go and release the
butterflies. It was a cloudy
evening. Jayne took her camera and took
a few pictures. Upon their return I
asked if I could see the pictures. As
soon as I saw this picture, it was at that moment the Lord confirmed to me that
His plan was for Jamil to return home to Uganda.
It was time to release him. However, I will admit to you that I continued to want Him to confirm it. I had looked up the verse the first time that I began this blog with in Jay’s ESV Study Bible many weeks before. I decided after seeing that picture and a couple of others I wanted to look it up in the One Year Bible I have been reading through which is in the New Living Translation. I have enjoyed God’s Word in this way as it goes by date with readings from the Old and New Testament. When I looked up in the index for the verses in 1 Kings 3 it was on June 8th, the day return to the airport to head back from the recently scheduled trip to Uganda. Really, Lord?
It was time to release him. However, I will admit to you that I continued to want Him to confirm it. I had looked up the verse the first time that I began this blog with in Jay’s ESV Study Bible many weeks before. I decided after seeing that picture and a couple of others I wanted to look it up in the One Year Bible I have been reading through which is in the New Living Translation. I have enjoyed God’s Word in this way as it goes by date with readings from the Old and New Testament. When I looked up in the index for the verses in 1 Kings 3 it was on June 8th, the day return to the airport to head back from the recently scheduled trip to Uganda. Really, Lord?
This is when I knew that I knew what He was saying. Doubt and questions still kept creeping into
my thoughts. I am thankful and praising
God who is merciful as He sees our hearts.
I wanted to obey, but oh I had no idea this new level of emotional pain
that was beginning in me. God’s
lesson: Trust me more deeply. Faith is believing without seeing. Finish well while I have your child physically
with you.
It was a few days we received a letter stating that Jamil’s
travel documents had been issued. A week
or two after that we received the date of his immigration interview for May 6th. We had already scheduled our return to Uganda
from May 8th to June 9th.
Okay Lord, I know what I heard you say, what does this mean? As I have followed Christ I have learned He
does not lead us in straight lines. Is this
a new turn, a curve from Him or not? The
need for daily discernment increased as did my emotional sadness. But, the underlying peace remained. I will admit sometimes it would shake if I
would take my eyes off the Only True Source of Peace. But, by grace, He restores when I refocus. Unfortunately, sometimes I choose to do this
more slowly than other times.
We had decided while Jamil was with us we wanted him to
experience the ocean. (Most Ugandans do
not love the water for swimming.) Last
June, the first swimming pool Jamil was around in Uganda, he jumped in with
both feet! No fear. As I write this I realize just how much in
hindsight this is who he is. Well, he
sank. We were right there. He continued in his time with us to be very
willing to experience new things. When
he arrived in the US we quickly got him a lifejacket and he always wore it
around water. This particular morning in
Florida, I was the first one up. His
life jacket was on the table. As I
noticed it, my heart broke yet again and my eyes flooded with emotion as I thought
about returning from Uganda without Jamil.
Later that morning we were at the pool.
Jayne and I had been teaching him how to swim. I noticed that his life jacket was in the
chair next to me. Jamil was swimming!
No life jacket required. Just like the butterfly picture, the Lord spoke through His Spirit to my heart. He doesn’t need the life jacket. I Am and always have been and will continue to be. “I’ve Got This”, God!
No life jacket required. Just like the butterfly picture, the Lord spoke through His Spirit to my heart. He doesn’t need the life jacket. I Am and always have been and will continue to be. “I’ve Got This”, God!
I think, NO, I know, this Uganda trip has been the most
difficult to prepare for: bittersweet. Usually, I have an idea of what we are doing
with the understanding it is a liquid plan.
However, as we were preparing to leave, I felt that I was going in
totally blind. Our first several days
were planned to look at the best school for Jamil to attend upon return. It is very different sending your child to
school approximately 8500 miles away compared to 200, not to mention difficult
to comprehend.
Monday, May 11th was the day we planned to begin
looking at schools for Jamil near Gaba a suburb of the capital of Kampala. Gaba is where we work from through Africa
Renewal Ministry who we partner with in the mission work God has called us to
in Uganda. Jay, Jamil, Cate, and David
had looked at a couple in August when Jay returned to get Jamil last
summer. I believe with all my heart,
this is why I didn’t sleep more than 4 hours Sunday night. I am thankful for all of you who prayed for
us as we began this unknown journey Monday morning. I have been reminded several times by a dear
friend to remember in the dark the decision that was made in the light. God did not disappoint. As I was awake Monday morning, I kept
thinking about how I wanted Jamil to be close enough to Gaba Community Church
so he could attend there each Sunday. We
had talked with David Gitta, and he offered to pick up Jamil when he was
available. David’s willingness to be a
big brother to Jamil and Cate’s willingness to be a mother figure to him in
Gaba had brought comfort. God is so faithful. Monday morning about 8:30 am
David arrived at the guest house and we went to pick up Cate. The first school we went to tour was Bunga
Preparatory School. Jamil’s countenance
was somewhat apprehensive. In August
they had looked at this school’s other campus, which is actually where the boarders
stay as well as P5-P7 classes are held, which he had liked. A gentleman, named George, came up and
introduced himself and let us know that he would show us the boarding area at
the other campus.
This is when I first
noticed Jamil beginning to relax. He,
Jay, and Cate had looked through the windows in August, and Jamil had been
pleased. In the US, when we began
talking with Jamil about returning, it was the school of his first choice. Jamil stayed at the school to interview and take
an exam, to determine his placement. We
met George during this time at the boarding campus. Jay and I were very impressed with George and
his passion for the school and the children.
He explained that his goal would be to make sure Jamil would feel
comfortable. Jamil would be paired with
a leader in his class. George would not
allow others to make fun of Jamil, because of his eye. He suggested the best beginning for this
would be for Jamil, as a new student, to share his story and experience. His parents had begun this Christian based
school and he had returned to help them.
There are three matrons who live on campus and George is there. This campus is located right down the road
from Wentz Medical Clinic and Gaba Community Church (GCC). It is one of the few
boarding schools that will allow the children to leave with a specified adult
for the weekend. Perfect! George can take Jamil to GCC for the 11:30
service each Sunday and David, Cate, or one of our other extended family from
there can return him to campus by Sunday evening. The school also allows the child to be picked
up on Friday and returned on Sunday evening by designated adults. We all agreed there was no need to look at
any other schools. We had found it. God is so good. Later Monday evening we had a dinner meeting
with most of the members of the Wentz Medical Board that Jay is now a member
of. Pastor Peter was there and had read
Jay’s blog. He asked how our day had
gone. When we shared, he said his
children had gone to that school when it was only a kindergarten. It was a great school, and he knows the
people who own it very well. He stated,
“They are very good people.” God has
answered.
As I finish this blog, Jamil is taking another exam to best
determine his level in this school.
David and our family have been gathering the supplies Jamil needs to
move in Monday and begin school on Tuesday.
We will leave in a few hours for Jinja and head to Palissa district for
Jamil to visit his family until Friday. Jamil will rejoin us when we head back to Gaba. We will have two clinics in Jinja on Thursday
and Friday. One will be at an orphanage
and the other is an area that has just experienced severe flooding where a few
people died.
I’m sorry for the delay of this blog, but I did get a full
nights sleep after being up for 21 hours.
(It reminds me to appreciate and respect the fact that Jay stays up so
often as he provides for our family and beyond.) I know the days will still be hard and sad at
times for not only this mother, but for all of us who have come to know and
love Jamil. As his mother, I want him to
live. I know the Lord loves Jamil even more than I do and has a perfect plan
for our son. He will remain whole and undivided!
Proverbs 3:5-6
Jill
No comments:
Post a Comment