We are currently in the Ministry Machine making our way to
Mbarara. We will be hosting clinics
there for the next two weeks, then spending a week coordinating cataract
surgeries for those that God brings our way.
As I make this trip, I have to admit, I am a mess. Today we left Jamil with our friend David and
Jamil will start his boarding school tomorrow morning. We have purchased all of his supplies and
paid his fees. Even though we will see
him again in 3 weeks, there is some finality to today that struck me while we
were in church this morning. Since then,
my “allergies have been acting up”, as Jill likes to say. Only this time, I am not sure if there is
enough Benadryl and steroid shots to set me straight.
I am grieving for our family that our time with Jamil in our
home is over.
I am grieving for Jamil
that his time with our family is over.
At the same time, I do believe that it is God’s plan to return him to
Uganda and get him back in school.
Knowing that it is God’s will for Jamil to stay in Uganda, helps my
brain to feel better about our separation today, but it so far has not helped
my heart. I believe in God’s plan, but
does this grief show my unbelief?
I catch myself grieving over Jamil’s diagnosis of a brain
tumor and Neurofibromatosis type 2 (NF2).
I grieve even though these things have been stable with no growth for at
least 9 months. I grieve the fact that
the life expectancy for patients with NF2 is around 30, even though I know my
God is in the business of doing miracles.
I grieve that there are no surgical options for Jamil’s brain tumor and
that if it starts to grow, the medical treatments are limited. I believe when I pray for Jamil’s healing,
but does my grief show my unbelief?
17 A man in the crowd answered, “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is
possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. 18Whenever it seizes him,
it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and
becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could
not.”
19 “You unbelieving generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay
with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.”
20 So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw
the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at
the mouth.
21 Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”
“From childhood,” he answered. 22 “It has often thrown him into fire or
water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”
23 “ ‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who
believes.”
24 Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me
overcome my unbelief!”
25 When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the
impure spirit. “You deaf and mute spirit,” he said, “I command you, come out of
him and never enter him again.”
26 The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy
looked so much like a corpse that many said, “He’s dead.” 27 But Jesus took him
by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up.
28 After Jesus had gone indoors, his disciples asked him privately,
“Why couldn’t we drive it out?”
29 He replied, “This kind can come out only by prayer.”
I currently see myself in the father in this story. He believes that God can heal his son, but at
the same time he asks for help with his unbelief.
Dear God, I know that everything is possible for one who
believes. I pray that Jamil’s transition
back into Ugandan boarding school be as smooth as possible. I also pray that Jamil grows old while doing
your work. I pray that his longevity, as an NF2
patient, will be talked about in text books.
Lord I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!
Jay
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